Powerful Questions: What are you afraid of?

A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else. – John Burroughs

This being the first post on Powerful Questions, I suppose it would be pertinent to explain what this is all about. My intention is to make Powerful Questions a regular component of the Miles Ahead Blog.

Here’s why: I believe that there are questions each of us could be asking of ourselves. Sometimes the answers to those questions can be profound. In this series I’ll share questions that have moved me forward or that I have seen others move forward as a result of answering.

The first question: What are you afraid of?

This question was asked of me while receiving coaching in front of a group of people. I was examining how I could initiate a greater momentum in pursuing my newly chosen career path. It turned out – not unlike a lot of new graduates – that upon finishing my PhD, I was struggling with inertia.  In particular, I found it difficult to start my new career because unlike the structured graduate program there was no clear path to becoming a coach. I felt like there were a million different options in front of me!

So there I sat dodging my coach’s questions on how I could move toward success.  I rationalized like I was being paid to do it. I did everything I could to avoid the real issue.  And then the question came at me: What is stopping you?

Silence followed as I looked for excuses that melted away. And then there it was hiding in a dark corner… the real reason.

“Fear,” I squeaked out finally. I could barely believe it myself. Afraid?  I was afraid!?

“And what are you afraid of?” she pressed. I hadn’t even wrapped my head around the notion that I was afraid yet!

Sometimes the importance of a question can be measured by how deafening the silence is that follows.  Even though I’d just acknowledged my fear, I didn’t want to give weight to it.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to define it. However, with a group of people watching I knew I had to just spit it out.  They weren’t going to let me run away from things. And frankly, I didn’t want to run anymore.

“I’m afraid of failure.”

What a crazy relief! Suddenly it made sense to me!  Finishing my degree occurred under such strenuous circumstances that I had come to view it as a failure; I felt hadn’t done enough to prevent such a bad situation from happening.  When I coupled that feeling with being upset about moving away from academia I realized I was afraid of trying something new… for fear of “failing” again!

I was looking at my past — my completion of a PhD and the realization that a life in academia was not for me — as failures! I had been looking back with so much regret that I was unable to look forward without my future being clouded. I was beholden to the fear of repeating the same mistakes. Yet strangely, when I admitted to myself that I was afraid of failing at pursuing this new venture, the fear lost its potency.

When I really looked at where I wanted to be, I knew what was necessary to succeed.  I had plans, and backups, and all kinds of ideas! Sure, it’s possible that I could have been moving forward with more gusto, but I still knew what I needed to do.

There was just one thing left: I had to act.

Shortly thereafter a plan was agreed upon that culminated in the launch of this very website and the coaching session ended.

Once I was able to think about it later, I realized that my success always followed action of some kind. Even if I acted and didn’t initially succeed I would inevitably learn something and be in a different spot than when I began. Even when I was met with setbacks, I could walk away knowing more than I did before. When it came down to it I realized, if I don’t act, I gain nothing – and that is true failure.

So that’s the first entry. I urge each of you to think about what you’re afraid of.  Or do yourself one better and write it down.  Make it real. Go ahead and admit that fear to someone else!  You’ll be surprised at how addressing that fear gives you license to start looking beyond it.

Tagged as: Powerful Questions