Watching my morning feed with SourceFed today, the hosts discussed the detrimental effects that holding in your emotions can have.

In this case they referenced the negative effects on cognition that focusing on a withheld secret can have.  Specifically, keeping a secret bottled up inside can change the way you think about problems distorting them and making them seem bigger and requiring more effort and time to complete. That is, they mentally weigh you down!

I have the feeling the “secret-keeping effect” can be brought about by many other types of detrimental mindsets as well. If you’d like to read more about the study, check out a media summary, or the original study, or if you are a visual learner… try watching below.

So of course some questions:

What’s weighing you down?

and

What secrets do you need to stop keeping?

Just a quick video inspiration for you.  I won’t add much since it bears no adding to, in my opinion.

Shake the dust from Anis Mojgani on Vimeo.

What I will add is a quick follow up after watching; I’d love to know how that inspired you. Share below.

A quick message from a three year old, who at such a young age, has discovered one of life’s greatest secrets.

A colleague in the coaching world, Marla Skibbins is hosting a 90 day free tele-class that I think people should know about.  For those of you interested in learning about mindful meditation, this in your chance!  Please visit her website today and sign up for a course on mindfulness meditation that I believe will be an incredible value.  I’m also taking the class, so you might just see me there!

I’m pretty stoked about having found this. Every day the people behind Thought Questions ask a different question for you to ponder. I think it’s a great resource! As followers know I’m a big fan of Powerful Questions, and this website makes used of that same concept to inspire change from a simple daily question. Check it out and consider subscribing.

Miles Ahead is proud to announce a new partnership with www.mesothelioma.com. I will be working with this organization to introduce health coaching into the treatment options available to individuals affected by this disease. If you have questions or comments about this involvement or would like to know more about coaching, please contact me.Mesothelioma Community Resource Network

A straightforward and candid explanation of why people need coaches from Google CEO, Eric Schmidt.

I particularly enjoy how he elucidates on the power of having the extra set of eyes with which to examine your life. Such an added perspective not only adds a fresh take on your actions and motivations, I believe it also serves to remind us that we are social creatures. The decisions we make impact more than just us, and regularly checking in with someone else to discuss your behaviours can shed light on how the choices you make affect a larger audience than just you. In my opinion, this is one of the most profound benefits of coaching.

One of the great things that I have discovered about being a coach is that my clients often think of me when they see material on growing and changing.  They think of me and then they send me the material.  I happen to like this a lot. I get to share in little things that make them happy, or that spur them forwards and I get inspired to continue with this amazing work that I have chosen to do.

One such recent contribution was sent to me from a client as we discussed the notion of courage.  He said that the following video exemplifies courage.

I would have to agree. What a great message. I have a lot to say about the “It gets better” campaign. But for now, I’ll leave on the note that I started. I love that the work that I do creates reciprocal relationships that continue to inspire people to do better. Could there be a better influence than that?

Recently posted on Facebook, this video is of the type that really makes me sit back in wonder at all that the internet has to offer.  Were it not for such things as YouTube, we’d have fewer videos of people being kicked in the nads or falling down, true; but we’d also never have videos like this dropped on our doorstep.

The performer’s name is Katie Makkai.  She rages against something too many people struggle with: Am I pretty? In doing so she reveals a question that I think goes far deeper. (Also she miscounts the number of letters in pretty, but she was under pressure, so I’ll forgive).

Through Katie’s raging a powerful point emerges. What if we stopped looking at the surface of ourselves? What if the person we are was seen as our ultimate expression of taste?

So my question for you today is short, but I think, not so simple:

How do you wear joy?

Don't share your goals!? Perhaps not a good idea. (click for source)

A TED talk by Derek Sivers has recently been causing quite the stir in coaching circles. In his discussion of goal setting Sivers argues that sharing your goals with others can negatively impact whether you achieve them. The message on Sivers’ blog is even more clear: Shut up about your goals! Basically if you let the cat out of the bag… you’re pooched!

I respectfully disagree. Mr. Sivers’ message conflicts with the ideology behind coaching – which I’ve seen at work – but more importantly is logically fallacious. While Sivers suggests that sharing your goals diminishes the immediate intention to move toward a goal, this does not mean that sharing your goals decreases your chances of completing your goal. The effects of goal sharing or not goal sharing may have independent consequences on goal completion. Successfully completing goals could depend on with whom you share the goal, and how you frame your intention. Completing a goal hinges on much more than whether you verbalized it to one of your friends.

To begin, let’s start with the video:

Upon trying on the dress, Sally realized what her original goal was (click for source)

Sivers illustrates some important concepts while setting goals for ourselves. In an effort to better understand his claims, I reviewed the source material he sites. Sivers initially describes how we must be careful when setting goals not to substitute our original goal with another “cognitively similar” activity. Substitution occurs when an individual works toward a goal, but her efforts go off track and end up leading to achieving an alternate, sometimes related, result. An example would be Sally looking to loose weight to a target goal of 130 lbs. Her weight loss plan included exercising on a regular basis, which soon becomes her focus. Sally’s attempts at weight loss might be modified to working out and fitting into a dream dress that makes Sally feel great about how she looks, rather than losing weight to a target goal.

Substitution can in some cases instill in us the false sense of progress. Through our behaviours we may continue to achieve results, but they might not be results that move us toward our desired goal. Instead, behaviours might be diverted to attain sometimes easier achievements in order to continue the feeling of progressing toward the goal.

Choose your secret identity

Sivers next mentions Gollwitzer’s work (1981, 2009) in which identity goals. An identity goal represents a future state (e.g., Rupinder wants to be a lawyer) that is worked toward through supporting behavioural activities. To achieve her goal of becoming a lawyer Rupinder may set a goal of reading legal articles daily to increase her knowledge of the field as she works to assume her desired identity.

Which identity will you choose? (click for source)

Gollwitzer (2009) notes that when friends notice a goal-setter’s progress toward such a goal and commend the goal-setter, the sought-after identity can be misconstrued as having been achieved. Accordingly, the goal-setter may prematurely cease her behavioural activities believing that she has achieved the status of her desired position. If Rupinder’s friends notice that her knowledge of legal proceedings improve and compliment her, she may erroneously assume she has gained the identity requirements of becoming a lawyer as she is now a person knowledgeable in the field of law (but not a lawyer).

In Gollwitzer and colleagues’ recent work (2009) it is reported that declaring your goals can have a negative influence on your intention to achieve goals that are declared to others. Gollwitzer and colleagues measured students’ behaviour related to a desired future identity in two groups. The first group consisted of students who affirmed their intention to work toward an identity-goal and kept it private, the second set of students had their intention revealed by the experimenter.

One week later, the researchers tested the students commitment to the identity-goal of becoming a lawyer, measuring participants’ work output on a law-themed work project. The experimenters deemed this law-themed work project to be related to the identity goal of becoming a lawyer. They found that those students who kept their goal to themselves worked on the task for a couple of minutes more than those who declared their goal to others.

I intend on someday being an action figure (click for source)

The article concludes that keeping your identity-goal a secret should lead to greater success in achieving the goal. I’m not sure that this is a valid conclusion. I noted that the work tasks were related in concept, but perhaps not in practice to the the identity-goals. While there is a clear conceptual connection, there was no direct benefit to engaging in a law-themed work project and the goal of becoming a lawyer. Furthermore, I saw no control to measure whether the students told others outside of the experiment what had transpired and whether they had shared their goal with others. Moreover, it is not clear whether secrecy surrounding a desired identity-goal would impact the clarity of the when the goal state would be achieved.

This, of course, begs the question: What is the yardstick of an identity achievement Without defining the parameters of the goal or its end, it would be difficult to determine whether the goal was attained. The real issue is how a goal is defined, not who are you telling about it.

What race are you running?

Is it a Sprint or a Marathon? (click for source)

I see some interesting problems with many people’s interpretations of Gollwitzer’s findings. Declaring your goals may falsely impress upon you that you’ve moved closer to attaining the goal; such an impression may impact commitment to that goal. However, there is insufficient evidence at this point to say that lessened intention one week following setting a goal will impact its achievement in the long run.

Although declaring an intention may potentially influence the perception of how close to achieving a goal you are, it is worth pointing out that measures of whether these declarations affected the achievement of the goals are not included in the discussion. Indeed, in Wicklund and Gollwizter (1981) and Gollwitzer and colleagues’ work (2009), the intention to adhere to a goal is measured, and not goal completion. There is a difference in the distinction between intention and actual final results.

Bring clarity to your goals; write them out. (click for source)

It is not clear to me what added benefit we gain from the knowledge that keeping your goal to yourself makes you more likely to engage in tertiary tasks a week later. We already know that committing to a goal (i.e., goal setting) increases the likelihood that you will attain it. Goal-setting, in this way is influenced by three key factors: proximity, specificity and difficulty.

I like to think of adherence to a goal as depending on what race you’re running. The structure built around the goal will influence how it is attained. Running a sprint requires a very different approach than a marathon (specificity). Your approach be different if you plan on running your race in a week or a year (proximity). And your approach will be different if you plan on running a race to finish or to meet an international qualifying standard (difficulty). Striving to attain a goal may be influenced by defining the parameters of the goal.

These factors illustrate the marked differences between an intention to reach a goal and working toward it. Objectivity in the measures related to these behaviours (e.g., clearly defined goals with an endpoint and set time scale) is needed in order to appreciate the effects that publicly sharing a goal may, or may not have on future behaviours in working toward the goal.

Talking about doing is not doing

Someday I'm going to be a trapeze artist! (click for source)

In Gollwitzer and colleagues work (2009) the main index of goal seeking behaviour is more closely related to intention than actual achieved goals. As a result, the possible conclusions that can be derived related to goal attaining behaviour are tenuous. However, when a goal is clearly defined and parameterized it becomes clearer what needs to be done to ‘stay the course’ and achieve the goal. Intention becomes a set of clearly defined actions. He moves from talking about to doing.

The transition from intention to action is the crux of the argument from a coaching perspective and it is supported with the notion of accountability. When Kevin decides that he wants to accomplish a goal, his coach’s job is to help figure out what he needs to formalize to make that goal a reality. When Kevin tells himself that he wants to write a book, this does not help to lay out the blueprint involving the topic of each chapter; finding a publisher, proofreader, editor; setting aside writing time, and the myriad problems associated with such an aspiration! Kevin’s intention of writing the book does not equate to the the resolve he will need to actually write the book.

Phrasing Matters

One of the tenets of coaching is that you cannot make a person change. Thus, goal setting works best when it is motivated by the individual. In Gollwitzer and colleagues’ work (2009) the students’ goals were achieved as a the result of the experimental paradigm; the goal setting behaviour was not generated by the individual. Such an external locus of control raises the issue of autonomy and accountability. In other words, what is the source of motivation to complete a goal?

Tell the world! *just do it with accountability (click for source)

Sivers mentions the importance of accountability at the end of his speech in relation to goal achievement. However, judging from the responses of most of the commenters online – and his take home message – there remains a confusion between intention and action. Successful goal-setting is the product of specific and accountable actions.

Sivers demonstrates one approach of careful phrasing around goals in his talk, however; indicating that you could have people “kick your ass” if you don’t do what you say. The gist is to avoid telling people about behaviours to get compliments. Instead of, “I’m training for a half marathon” [insert compliments here about how difficult that must be], try saying; “I’m training for a half marathon on Oct 17, you should come out and watch me (no really!)”. Telling people your intention and making yourself accountable for those actions demonstrates a commitment to the goal but also adds a structure to the actions that are required to accomplish that goal (here that the race will be run on a certain day). I suggest looking for ways to start the accountability as soon as possible.

Accountability is a keystone of the coaching relationship. Coaches are not confederates to whom you casually disclose intentions and receive token encouragement and ego-stroking. Rather, coaches aspire provide a system of accountability. Following a declaration of an intention to perform an action, a coach helps establish a system of accountability to achieve that goal.

So the next time you tell people that you intend on joining a gym, think of what a coach would say to you. That’s great! What would that entail? How often will you go and how will I know that you’ve done this? There are innumerable ways of verifying what you say you will do: email, phone call or online posting (Twitter, Facebook, blog entry). The main point is that intentions are useless without action. If you say you’re going to do something, do it… and then tell people that you’ve succeeded.

Resources:

Gollwitzer PM, Sheehan V , Michalski P, Seifert AE, (2009). When Intentions Go Public, Psychological Science 20:5, 612-1618.

Wicklund RA, Gollwitzer PM (1981). Symbolic Self Completion, Attempted Influence and Self-Deprecation. Basic and Applied Social Psychology 2(2), 89-114.